Save the Modern Mystic Mother

I don't know what the fuck I'm even doing. I'm doing whatever... I don't know...
It's a huge amount to ask but I don't even know what I'm aiming for...
Clearly I'm messing up my life and fucking everyone around in my life by even being on the internet... my husband said if I can raise $20k in a year then I don't have to give up blogging.
But... it hurts now. Right. Now.
I don't know what I'm doing... But I feel like what's even the point of doing anything if I just hurt the people around me??
I just... there are so many things I want to do... I just don't know what I should be doing first...
But I'm at breaking point. I want to give up.
And I might.. But without money to validate whatever... to show my family... that maybe my thoughts are valuable... I dunno... I'm not really worth anything... am I...